Bacon: It's why I am not Jewish

I love Bacon. I love bacon flavored bacon. I love bacon bits, bacon fried bacon, and my favorite, smuggled bacon aka bacon I steal from the humans.  If I could marry bacon, I would. Then I would become widowed every few days. But my human has decided to replace that bacony baconed bacon with TURKEY bacon! WTH?  That's not even real bacon, it's like replacing grease with water or lard with bean juice. It is a sacrilege.

I hold bacon sacred. It is religious experience for me really. When stupid human pops open a nice fresh package of PORK bacon, I come under the trance of it.It summons me like a spirit calling my name.  It is like my very own spiritual calling. It is the reason I have never been interested in the Jewish faith. I have no problem with Moses, in fact, I find Judaism a beautiful, loving religion, but I find bacon fulfills my spiritual needs more-after all, I am a Basset hound.

For the record, I could never be Hindu either-I love beef to much. In fact, I find it hard to be a Catholic as well because I am not sure I can go without the beef, chicken or pork during Lent on Fridays, but I digress.

So I am at a dilemmia in my life...what should I do without bacon?  I could take up chasing tennis balls or being kind to kitties. Oh who am I kidding...

I'm going to pray about this. Then meditate about it. Then, perhaps, then we can witness a miracle-hallejulah!