Saturday, November 28, 2009

Dedicated to the Crimson Tide...

Ok human! You love the Tide, I get that. Your dad played for the Tide, I get that. I had to withhold my bark during the game as you had your anxiety attack, I get that...but really human, really, do you think it is necessary to sink me to this level?

By the way, the little human looks adorable!

Friday, November 27, 2009

I'm back!

Well, it is about 38degrees outside and it is cold. I may be mad. I may think the humans are real jerks. But I realize that no matter how insulting I think the humans are to my intelligence, they still offer a warm, cozy bed.

That's it-I'm gone!

I'm outta here folks. First you throw out my recliner!!! Seriously a little vomit with corn and chicken and you act like big pansies about it. I would have helped you out but NOOOOO, so off with it's head, or should I say, headrest!

Second, you stuck me in the garage with Beady Eyes and Princess Geritol! The little one is annoying and I swear I hear the bones cracking in the old one. Ridiculous!

Third, you inform me that unless I sit quietly so you can watch the Iron Bowl-not the food bowl-Iron Bowl, then I either go outside or lay down and sleep. Are you kidding? Ummm, did you not see all those squirrels gathering nuts in the backyard? They need me to cheer them on or those little tree monkeys will starve to death this winter. Duh!

So forget it, I'm outta here. I'm gone! Adios! Hosta La Vista, baby! See ya later, alligator... I'm bein' like a tree and leafin! Don't try to stop me.

Seriously, I'm gone. The door ain't even hittin' me in the backside.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Oh my belly...

And it's not even Thanksgiving yet. 

First I spotted the tray...

Then I attempted the grab        
And this is the final result...

And it's not even Thanksgiving yet.  Oh my belly!  Aaaaaaarrrrrooooooo!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

And they wonder why I am neurotic...

Seriously humans, if you had to wake up to this face every morning, wouldn't you create your own blog just to escape the insanity of the humans.

God help me!

Monday, November 23, 2009

In Memoriam: My Recliner

You were my best friend.  The little human threw up on you. It was a death puke.  You died a valiant death. You stood strong among the spew and smell. You were my life. You were my recliner. 

We had fun times together you and I. Remember when I hunkered down in you whenever the human wanted to take me running. You were my strength. You were the wind beneath my wings.

I am in mourning for you, my recliner. I miss you. I see you sitting my the curb awaiting your final destination. I am sad. I am crying. Aaaaaaarrroooooooooo, my heart hurts. My recliner, my life. I shall miss you.

Silly Bandz Basset

Have you seen those stupid plastic silly bandz?  My little humans act like they are crack when they see them-they get all shaky and google eyed-it's crazy. And the things are obnoxious too. I mean really, who the hell wants to wear rubber hair accessories, in stupid shapes no doubt?  Who in the world would want to sink to a stupid human level just to fit in? Who really needs to wear a piece of colored, cheap elastic to be accepted into this culture?

Oh nevermind!

Saturday, November 21, 2009


You call me a Basket Hound
I'll be a Basket Hound

Just Sayin'

Friday, November 20, 2009

Oh Howl No!

The freaky elf is fishing in MY fishtank.  Human got the tank JUST FOR ME to admire my fish and that elf thinks it's gonna have some sushi?  Oh HOWL no!

Just for the record, I have tolerated you and your buddy for a few days now but let me say this... Beady Eyes and I have made a plan to eliminate you from your jolly old St. Nick of a good time in our house. You cannot just come in here and take attention from us. I will get you little elf and your friend, too! And for the record, FAIRIES be warned. I'm not that impressed with you either.

I am seriously disgusted by this action of the elf.  This means WAR!!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

No stinkin' way...

There is a stinkin' elf in the house. Seriously. It appeared a few weeks ago, moved stuff around, then left. Well it is back and brought a friend with it.  Apparently, Pagget the Elf pulled a drunk, left the house, then picked up a buddy along the way.

Humans, do you realize this thing takes attention away from me?

And, I'm not even allowed to "love" on it so that means he still has his ears, eyes, and arms.

This could get ugly.

I eat my competition for breakfast, kinda like Wheaties!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Age before beauty...OH PLEASE

I gotted outted by the Old Fart. Seriously, I really don't know how to say it so I will just say it. The old fart aka Old Lab aka Bella the Butt (as I call her) has sought the sympathy of the humans and won. She is laying in the middle of the bed with the comforts of the humans and I, well, I am on the recliner and I am mad.

Big deal, the weather is cold, her arthritis is acting up. I get it. I mean, I don't get arthritic pain but I get that she is old as Moses and has old age issues but really, human, must you kick me from the bed so Princess Bengay can take over and be comfortable.

It's not that I wish ill will on the dog, I mean, I am a dog too (sometimes, but mostly homosapicanine) but when it comes to affection, love, and being the diva, well quite frankly, I am IT! I am the ONE. I own the house. And yet, here I am, laying on the recliner. At least the little human takes pity upon me. Woe is me!

So, I think I will go lay on the human's head so they remember that I am the HEAD of the household.  And, I will look at the Old Lab knowing that she is merely taking up the foot of the bed!!!!

Stay warm, fellow hounds! I know I will!

Monday, November 16, 2009

In the Birmingham News

Yep, stupid human takes a picture of me while I am suffering post tramautic Halloween costume disorder aka the Chicken Suit issue and submits it to the Birmingham News (scroll down for picture submitted to the Birmingham News). The Birmingham News, a fine publication, thank you very much, printed it.

Now what is Trixie gonna think?  Shhhhhhh, just don't tell her. She is still giving me a hard time about being a chicken on Halloween.

Oh, but the good news is to my pic is a pic of Arthur. Arthur is one of my basset brothers in arms and he needs a forever home.  If you think I am fun, check out the hounds at the Basset Hound Rescue of Alabama. 

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I gotted in trouble, rut roh!

Well, apparently stupid human is not impressed with my chewing abilities. First of all, let me say this, wood taste good. That is my new motto: Wood, it's what's for snack time!   It wasn't bad enough that human refused to give me table scraps...something about obesity epidemic in hounds or was that house? Anyway, human has decided to detox me off table scraps- freely give or rightfully taken. Which means, I am suffering! Anyway, human also decided that I need to go on more walks with her.

But I digress...

Human, err..stupid human, left out the TV tray being used to hold the popcorn bowl during family movie night. Little human spilled some popcorn out on to the table and the scent, yes that DAMN SCENT, always gets me in trouble.  I noticed it after the popcorn bowl had been removed from the scene of the crime aka the living room. So when human went to bed, I knocked over the tv tray only to find the scent, no real popcorn.  But the scent, yes that DAMN SCENT, was enough to make this crime solving, Sherlock Holmes loving basset hound go to town.  Before you know it, I had ated the area where the popcorn and butter flavor had landed. Not my fault!

So, anyway, I gotted in trouble. It is the human's fault because of her and her crazy detox/no table scraps for me decision. 

Hey, guess what HUMAN, the best is yet to still have a kitchen table, don't ya? For now, anyway!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Ode to Trixie

This is a poem for my best pal, Trixie

Trixie is my best pal, she loves to play with me
We like to bark, howl, and sniff and chase cats up a tree
Her mom a Shitzu, her dad a feist a perfect blend of "it"
but her breed will always be a little fiesty-shit.

She comes to my house, watches tv and hangs out in my chair
She has this really funky fur, it almost looks like hair.
My human likes to give her treats she always hides them well,
I know exactly where they are but I will never tell.

When no one is looking, I escape and we like to sneak away,
and go into the neighbors yard and poop and then we play.
Our neighbor doesn't know it cause she never is at home
And when we get out and play, we always tend to roam.

Yes, Trixie is my bestest bud who comes right to my door,
She is funny, she is grand, a dog with so much more.
The cats fear us, the squirrels all know that we rule this hood
Our humans think that we are best, just like we think they should.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

There are no words...

to describe my thoughts regarding my stupid human. Nuff said!