Saturday, October 31, 2009

Rut Ruh! I ated crayons!

Yep, I ated crayons this time. I thought it was some of the candy my little humans gathered last night. It did taste a little bland but they were so pretty, sitting in the floor by the desk. So I ated some.

My human is none the happy about it. I don't understand why. I mean, really, who else has a colorful backyard?

Stupid human just doesn't appreciate my artistic abilities.

Friday, October 30, 2009

I ated 3 loaves of pumpkin bread

And here's how it went down...

Ok, so you know I live with two dogs, the beady eyed one and the old lab.  The old lab escapes the house on a daily basis because she has no common sense.  The beady eyed one stays under the bed most of the time. I could have something to do with this, but not really sure.

My human made 6 loaves of pumpkin bread. The house smelled like a wonderful dream. I drooled during cook time, nap time, and even when I went outside, I could still smell that delicious aroma. Human gave two of the loaves to her neighbors, Karla and Mickey. She and the little humans ATE one loaf, right in front of me, forgetting to offer up their sacrifice to me. This was stupid on their part.

Three loaves remained. Three gorgeous, juicy loaves of aroma filled pumpkin bread, just waiting for consumption. Three gorgeous, juicy loaves of aroma filled pumpkin bread, sitting all alone, wrapped in aluminium foil on the kitchen table. The only thing that separated me from those heavenly delights was one obnoxious door gate.  I hate that damn door gate.

So, this is how it went down.  Dumb lab charged the door and went outside.  Human was unfazed.  Little humans had friends over I followed them around.  Meanwhile, I had talked beady eyes into also charging the gate, unbeknowest to stupid human. I continue to play along with little humans just waiting for my opportunity.

Beady eyes gets sight of front door being opened, she changed plans on me, much to my surprise to be advantageous for me. 

Human gets call from neighbor down the street.  Neighbor is in possession of one beady eyed poodle mutt. Human leaves to pick up the beady eyed one and the old lab, both of whom are walking vicariously around the hood.  But wait, where is the Basket Hound?  Could it be I escaped with the beady eyed one?

Human takes no chances and when she arrives home, she immediately checks the backyard where I was last seen. No sign of me! She panics! She starts the mad hunt to find moi! She is upset. She is confused. She forgets something...I am very smart.

While human is stalking down beady eyes and old fart, I have made my way back into the house. That gate was no barrier to my cravings.

When human arrived home,I was there, sitting under the dining room table, enjoying the delicious temptation of that blessed pumpkin bread. I was a savage beast unleashing my rage against that aluminium foil and that squashy filled delight.

And I ated all her pumpkin bread!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

My Favorite Human

This is my favorite human, Sydney. I love her best. She is the reason I own these humans now. You also must be the smartest of the bunch. I love you, my human, Sydney.
This picture was taken on our way back from Gatlinburg. As you can see, we had a great time and were exhausted.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Well Helllllooooooo Dolly!

Did I ever tell you my Dollywood story?

Forget Miley Cyrus for a moment, she does nothing for me, thus far. Her shows, music, and movies only take away attention from me, therefore, I have no regard for her.

But let me tell ya about her Godmother, Dolly Parton!

I loves me some Dolly, errr, actually , some Doggywood at Dollywood.

It all started back in May when my humans were planning their annual trip to the mountains. Poodlemutt aka Beady eyes always gets to go to Grandmaw's. My pet labrador, Bella, heads to camp at Dr. Zs place. And I, well, I am the only reason these humans exist so therefore, I go with them.

The trip up there was not bad. While I feel like I should have been able to go into the various eating establishments, I was content to grab snacks and relieve myself at the various rest areas.  It worked to my best interest because I got lots of attention and love at those places, except by the old people who think I am going to eat their precious poodle, shitzus, or pomerainians...but I digress.

Once we arrived at our cabin, I immediately took my place upon MY bed in the Master Suite, because, I, of course, am the Master. The humans scurried to find themselves a place to sleep as well.  (Ok, I admit it, I like to cuddle with the Mama human so she and the old human got to sleep with me.)

But the highlight of the trip was my adventure to Doggywood!  I was kept in a nice, air conditioned log cabin room, complete with music playing. The ladies were just awesome. They loved on me, walked me, and let me know that I was the cutest (and only) Basset Hound they had seen...that day!

In the end, it was I, thanking Ms. Dolly Parton, for a great time.

Leave the leash, take the cannoli...

Once again, it is raining. I have no problem with rain, other than the obvious go outside and get wet when I need to "go" but seriously, no problems with rain. I do have a problem with the stupid human wanting to take me running in the rain.  First of all, rain runs mean bath when I get home. Apparently, stupid human has a problem with my underside dragging the wet grass in the yard. The "supposed" problem brings grass into the house. I have NO problem with this, but until I can evolve some opposable thumbs, and subsequently take over the world, I am at the mercy of stupid human and her nutcase obsession to maintain a cluttered house with clean carpets. Furthermore, when I am running with my human, I am not sleeping! Anyone knows that rain equals sleep in Basset language. Actually, no food or treats, no counter cruising, and not getting into the trash all equal sleep in my world, but that is for another post.

So, human wants me to do the Basset 2K this morning. I, of course, refuse! And what I mean by refuse is I park my Basset backside down and pulled a good ole fashion 1960s, hippie sit in. Dynamite could not have blown my arse up off my recliner.

She leaves!
When she returns 3weeks later, or 30 minutes (ya know us dogs don't have the time thing down), she is disappointed that I have managed to get into her unfilled cannoli shells.  Ummmm, stupid human, really you brought it upon yourself!

So word of advice to those reading. NEVER, and I mean NEVER try to force the superior thinking canine into running in the rain. Oh, and never leave the cannoli on the table.

I remain,

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Rut Roh!

I done did it, now!  I am in big trouble. And here's how it went down...
2:30 am Woke human, er... I mean stupid human up to take me out. Poodle follows along.
2:45 am Came back in.
3:34 am Woke stupid human back up.
3:35am until 3:48am  Walked around outside. Stared at moon. Looked for cats, possums, etc.
3:48am Barked until human woke back up on the sofa to let me in.
4:03am  Woke stupid human again to let me back out.
4:05am Noticed stupid human was staring or should I say glaring at me so I pretended to "be busy".
4:06am Stupid human let me inside and proceeded to tell me "Good Girl".
4:07am Stupid human gets me a treat. Poodle feels she is also entitled to treat. I believe poodle is NOT entitled to treat and attempted a ghetto jump on her to obtain her treat.
4:08am Stupid Human becomes VERY angry at my aggression.
4:09am Stupid poodle receives two treats while I am banished out of the bedroom.
4:25am Wake Stupid Human up again. I am in need of expressing my anger. After all, who is she to say I cannot have ALL the treats.
4:29am  Stupid human tells me if I do not behave, I have to go in garage for the rest of the morning.
4:45am  Try to wake stupid human up again.
4:46am  Try to wake stupid human up again.
4:47-5:02am Attempt to wake Stupid Human up every minute.
5:15ish am-  Leave Stupid Human a calling card right outside her bedroom door.
5:16am Giggle my Basset ass off. How dare her not treat me like a princess!
5:30am Stupid Human wakes up to the offensive smell.
5:35am I hide.
5:45am Stupid Human is pissed!  She says some not so nice things, puts her shoes on, and leaves to go running.
6:30am Other Stupid Human wakes up!
6:35am First Stupid Human arrives home to see other Stupid Human cleaning up my statement.
6:45am First Stupid Human saturates carpet with OdoBan and Disinfectant Solution.
7:00am I am banished to garage.

Gotta go, when Stupid Human sees me blogging, she will not be happy.

More later...


I Love me so much, that I LOVE presents....lots and lots of presents that look like me!!!  Check out the online fundraising auction to help my many comrades at the Basset Hound Rescue of New York!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Oh good grief

I cannot believe this. The poodle is having nightmares. Seriously-nightmares!!! What in the Hades is that poodle maring about anyway? Did the Grim reaper poodle show up in her dreams? Is her luscious poodle hair tangled? Did she dream that I ate her?

Seriously stupid poodle mutt...I know you have been here 9 years longer than I. I know you are the "firstborn" as stupid human calls you. I know you have claimed the leg area of the bed and I respect that but do you really need to interrupt my sleep by getting the jimmy legs and moaning?  Where are you running in your dreams?

Now I have to watch as mom comforts you and tells you that it is ok. I have to watch her cuddle you and love you. That is precious time taken away from ME! I know your tactic, Poodle, I am well aware of your plan.

I have my droopy eyes on you! Even when I am asleep, I am watching! You will not oust me!!!

Check out the Poodle Mutt...looks all innocent, right? WRONG!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Pic of the Day by my Stupid Human

It's not easy being loved.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: My Humans are so cruel!

For more Wordless Wednesday posts, head on over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Rappy Birfday to me

Rappy Birfday to me, Rappy Birfday to me, Rappy Birfday to the best hound in the worldddddddddddddd... Rappy Birfday to me.

My humans are giving me a party later. I need to invite Trixie. My mommy human is making me special peanut butter treats and a special hound dog cake.  My human is making me pork schinzels with real piggie not that fake meatless crap she usually uses.  So I shall stalk her endlessly until she makes dinner tonight.

Oh, and this is exciting, my human is crocheting me a nice green doggie scarf for the coming winter months.  I didn't want to hurt her feelings and tell her that I have enough neck fluff to keep me warm, but it will look good in all the Christmas pictures and the Christmas cards going out this year.

My human also informed me that she is purchasing an undergarment to wear when I go outside after rain. Apparently the human thinks that my belly drags the ground and brings in too much dirty. That human is a control freak. Damn woman, THAT is why you have a vaccum cleaner.

Oh, and get this the human is looking for me some boots to wear. Ummmm, human, I am a canine also known as a dog. You are a human also known as an idiot. God made me beautiful in everyway and therefore I do not have to cover up my body. Apparently God does not feel the same way about you humans.

Not my problem. Get over yourself.