Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What the ...

Are you serious? My stupid human wants to dress me up like a chicken for Halloween. She wants to be a Farmgirl.  Of all the awesome costumes at Target, PetSmart, and Halloween Express and she decides to pick the chicken outfit.


A freaking chicken, huh?

I could be Superdog, Wonder Dog, Yoda, Darth Doggie, Spider, Witch, Ghost, or hell, I would even settle for a Scarecrow to keep with her theme but a freaking chicken.  No wonder I need therapy.  She actually has a costume with chicken wings, chicken feet, and a chicken neck.  Damn, now I have made myself hungry.

I swear I want to fry myself, add a little hot sauce and make that chicken costume my snack.

Seriously stupid redneck farmgirl Human, do you really need a freaking dog dressed like a chicken to validate your Halloween needs?  Is it really necessary to degrade me to the point of Trixie laughing at me all the way down the street?  Do you just hate me? 

I swear, revenge is mine on this one.  You want a farm motif, farmgirl? Well, let's start by giving ya some manure!!!!  Go check the hall!

You are welcome!!!

: rolls eyes, walks away :

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

A typical basket hound day...

Today my human decided it was time to decorate for Halloween.  It is her favorite holiday. Of course, I helped in my many ways.  I walked her out to the storage house for the decorations and then proceeded to stand RIGHT UP UNDER HER as she pushed and pulled storage boxes around the small area.  I also provided quality entertainment during her entire time in the backyard.  I sang/howled to the birds, kitties, passing cars, garbage men, poodle colony behind our house, and squirrels. Ah yes, the squirrels.

Once we started going through the boxes and boxes of scarecrows, pumpkins and scary stuff, I helped pull it out of the boxes then run around the backyard.  Some of those things were even scary for me, so naturally, I showed them just WHO THE BOSS is around here and barked those decorations right back into the box.

I know the human appreciated it so much, she just closed the boxes back so we could do this all over again tomorrow.

I am so helpful.

Monday, September 28, 2009


Please excuse the writing but I am completely drunk (ed). My human made hamburgers tonight. I was so overcome with the smell and thought of grease, beef, and cheese that I fell into a trance, thus making me completely inebriated.

In an attempt to succumb to my desire, I made arrangements with the poodle mutt to bark consistently, thus creating a sound diversion as I jumped up on the littlest human to grab her burger.  It failed miserably but I did manage to knock off a cheese fry.

After being banished from the kitchen for the remainder of the dinner, I decided to embrace my inner meat fiend and just inhale. And I did. And I did. And, I did some more.

And right now I am waiting to exhale.

Are you serious?????

News Flash:  Mama Human made me a ballet tutu. She actually sat down for four hours and handcrafted a ballet tutu for me.  When she was trying it on me for measurement, I was fairly sure it was for the 5 year old human, seeing as we both have the same girth. But nooooooo, it is for me.  She made it in Tinkerbelle green so I could be a fairy for Howlaween.  Do I look like I would want to be a freaking fairy? Do I look like I enjoy ballet? Howllllllllllllllll no!

What is her deal? It's bad enough that I have to entertain these humans on a daily basis but I seriously doubt I need costumes and dress ups to do so.

That's okay.  I know of a cats that would love to attack this frilly crap!!  I just need to find that catnip spray.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I declare WAR

I hate the Steam Cleaner! It's not bad enough that the humans make me go outside in the rain, sleet, cold or ice, or God forbid, the HEAT. But seriously, why bring in the Steam Cleaner. It is important that I on occasion mark my territory. Is is my comfort zone. It is my way of claiming what is rightfully mine-this house. I made it perfectly clear when I arrived that this was MINE. After all, that's what we Basset Hounds do, we claim it, we own it, and it's ours.

So here I am, completely dismayed by the loud roaring sound of the beast aka as the steam cleaner. To make matters worse, Mama Human loads it up with Clorox and Odoban! Right, like I really need Odoban.  It makes no sense to me. I smell good. I smell like Basset Hound. It is a heavenly scent.

I also have the embarrassment of explaining it to my BFF, Trixie. Trixie comes to my house by scent. She loves my house. She loves to come in and roll around with me in the floor. She makes her way down to my house by way of the smell. Poor Trixie, she will be lost.

For now, I have to embrace my inner aroma and try to ignore the overwhelming smell of community pool and eucalyptus.

Now, if you will excuse me, I shall pee next to the human's bed. I figured I would give her a nice greeting for the morning time. Just a little "Hey, I don't appreciate your cleaning technique and here's my opinion about it!"

So in your face! ha! Aaaaarrrrooooooooooooo!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Human Walking

I took my human for a walk today. She really drags me down. Stupid human!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Howling Good Time

Last night I got bored.  It was 3:00am and everyone was asleep.  I tried the usual: jumping on the human's heads, knocking the trash can over, standing in the bathtub howling, and dragging my softie bone around-squeeker going full blown. But no, they would not budge. I think the female took her Melatonin, the old man human sleeps through earthquakes, and the little humans were out. I even considered taking a BIG shit in the hallway just for the smell effect, but last time I did that, Mama Human almost had a come apart and steam cleaned the hallway with enough Clorox and Cleaner to make us ALL vacate the house for three hours.

So,  I just jumped on the bed and tried snoring as loud as I could.  Me and the Old Man had a snore off. We sounded like a Sleep Apnea clinic with bunch of chronic pulmonary diseased old farts being tested at once.  Mama Human was not amused. But because I am the cutest of the two, she kicked the old man outta bed which led to my being able to go outside because once he was up, he had nothing else better to do. Then after my usual 15 minute Sonnet to the Moon, I came in, bypassed the Old Man on the sofa, and went straight to the Master bed where I slept comfortably on MY side of the bed, with MY pillow, next to MY Mama Human.

Yes, indeed, I had a howling good time.
Damn, I am smart.