Oh Howl No!

The freaky elf is fishing in MY fishtank.  Human got the tank JUST FOR ME to admire my fish and that elf thinks it's gonna have some sushi?  Oh HOWL no!

Just for the record, I have tolerated you and your buddy for a few days now but let me say this... Beady Eyes and I have made a plan to eliminate you from your jolly old St. Nick of a good time in our house. You cannot just come in here and take attention from us. I will get you little elf and your friend, too! And for the record, FAIRIES be warned. I'm not that impressed with you either.

I am seriously disgusted by this action of the elf.  This means WAR!!!

No stinkin' way...

There is a stinkin' elf in the house. Seriously. It appeared a few weeks ago, moved stuff around, then left. Well it is back and brought a friend with it.  Apparently, Pagget the Elf pulled a drunk, left the house, then picked up a buddy along the way.

Humans, do you realize this thing takes attention away from me?

And, I'm not even allowed to "love" on it so that means he still has his ears, eyes, and arms.

This could get ugly.

I eat my competition for breakfast, kinda like Wheaties!

Age before beauty...OH PLEASE

I gotted outted by the Old Fart. Seriously, I really don't know how to say it so I will just say it. The old fart aka Old Lab aka Bella the Butt (as I call her) has sought the sympathy of the humans and won. She is laying in the middle of the bed with the comforts of the humans and I, well, I am on the recliner and I am mad.

Big deal, the weather is cold, her arthritis is acting up. I get it. I mean, I don't get arthritic pain but I get that she is old as Moses and has old age issues but really, human, must you kick me from the bed so Princess Bengay can take over and be comfortable.

It's not that I wish ill will on the dog, I mean, I am a dog too (sometimes, but mostly homosapicanine) but when it comes to affection, love, and being the diva, well quite frankly, I am IT! I am the ONE. I own the house. And yet, here I am, laying on the recliner. At least the little human takes pity upon me. Woe is me!

So, I think I will go lay on the human's head so they remember that I am the HEAD of the household.  And, I will look at the Old Lab knowing that she is merely taking up the foot of the bed!!!!

Aaaaaaarrrroooooooooo!

Stay warm, fellow hounds! I know I will!

In the Birmingham News

Yep, stupid human takes a picture of me while I am suffering post tramautic Halloween costume disorder aka the Chicken Suit issue and submits it to the Birmingham News (scroll down for picture submitted to the Birmingham News). The Birmingham News, a fine publication, thank you very much, printed it.

Now what is Trixie gonna think?  Shhhhhhh, just don't tell her. She is still giving me a hard time about being a chicken on Halloween.

Oh, but the good news is this...next to my pic is a pic of Arthur. Arthur is one of my basset brothers in arms and he needs a forever home.  If you think I am fun, check out the hounds at http://www.bhra.org/ the Basset Hound Rescue of Alabama. 

I gotted in trouble, rut roh!

Well, apparently stupid human is not impressed with my chewing abilities. First of all, let me say this, wood taste good. That is my new motto: Wood, it's what's for snack time!   It wasn't bad enough that human refused to give me table scraps...something about obesity epidemic in hounds or was that house? Anyway, human has decided to detox me off table scraps- freely give or rightfully taken. Which means, I am suffering! Anyway, human also decided that I need to go on more walks with her.

But I digress...

Human, err..stupid human, left out the TV tray being used to hold the popcorn bowl during family movie night. Little human spilled some popcorn out on to the table and the scent, yes that DAMN SCENT, always gets me in trouble.  I noticed it after the popcorn bowl had been removed from the scene of the crime aka the living room. So when human went to bed, I knocked over the tv tray only to find the scent, no real popcorn.  But the scent, yes that DAMN SCENT, was enough to make this crime solving, Sherlock Holmes loving basset hound go to town.  Before you know it, I had ated the area where the popcorn and butter flavor had landed. Not my fault!

So, anyway, I gotted in trouble. It is the human's fault because of her and her crazy detox/no table scraps for me decision. 

Hey, guess what HUMAN, the best is yet to come...you still have a kitchen table, don't ya? For now, anyway!

Ode to Trixie

This is a poem for my best pal, Trixie

Trixie is my best pal, she loves to play with me
We like to bark, howl, and sniff and chase cats up a tree
Her mom a Shitzu, her dad a feist a perfect blend of "it"
but her breed will always be a little fiesty-shit.

She comes to my house, watches tv and hangs out in my chair
She has this really funky fur, it almost looks like hair.
My human likes to give her treats she always hides them well,
I know exactly where they are but I will never tell.

When no one is looking, I escape and we like to sneak away,
and go into the neighbors yard and poop and then we play.
Our neighbor doesn't know it cause she never is at home
And when we get out and play, we always tend to roam.

Yes, Trixie is my bestest bud who comes right to my door,
She is funny, she is grand, a dog with so much more.
The cats fear us, the squirrels all know that we rule this hood
Our humans think that we are best, just like we think they should.

There are no words...

to describe my thoughts regarding my stupid human. Nuff said!