Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Choosing the Perfect Assistant

Well, the responses to my "Help Wanted" ad have provided the following applicants:

1) A Cat named Timmy: Qualifications include the art of deception which could come in handy with the hooman, flexibility with paws and keyboards, and the ability to hiss back at the possum. Unfortunately, the cat feels that the weekly salary of 3 dog treats is substandard to what it is accustom to receiving in terms of salary.

2) A Possum:  I don't know nor care what it's name is. But according to the EEAC (Equal Employment Animal Control) I HAVE to consider all candidates who have applied. Therefore, I must place my prejudice aside and consider the possum. Qualifications: NONE   Well, that is not completely true. It does have the ability to work a computer with those little, sneaky hands.

3) Beady Eyes: Yes, Beady Eyes, the poodle terrier I share my hooman with has applied to be my assistant. According to the intelligence chart, poodles rank #2.  While I will not argue that, I will say that this is a dog who turns circles at least 20 times before she can poo. Surely, THAT is not a sign of intelligence.  Pros for hiring Beady Eyes include acceptable compensation, will not have to pay relocation costs, and she already knows my management style.

So, I interviewed today and have decided to hire Beady Eyes based on her qualifications and fulfillment of my needs as an assistant.

I will keep you updated on her progress.

Thank you to all 3 of you who applied and sent resumes.

Abbie Basket Hound
CEO of Absolutely Nothing