The Basket Hound

Dogpocolypse has ended. You may now return to the scheduled postings.

2011-04-08T02:39:00.000-07:00

Well, hey. How are you doing? I am fine. I am more than fine. I am RESTED.

It all started when I received a handy dogpocolyspe kit for Christmas. I LOVED it! I loved it so much that I filled the WaterBob, hunkered down in the heating blanket, and waited for the BIG ONE.

Then I went to sleep.

And I slept.
And slept.
And slept.
And slept.

And slept.

And slept.
And slept.

And slept.
Rinse and Repeat Xs 40 Days.

Then a dove appeared with message in the bottle and said, "Yo Abbie, wake up. The possum is trying to eat your food." So I awoke from the nightmare to find this staring at me:

Then I knew the Dogpocolypse had occurred and I was doomed to a life living with a Chupacabre.

And the rest is well...

You will have to check back to learn more.

But I will say, while I was "out" lots has happened.

I need to take a nap now.

When I return...

You will meet my new bestest friends EVER... REDDOG Sitting!

Hound Dog Preparations for Apocalypse 2011

2010-12-29T21:48:00.000-08:00

Get ready! It's coming!

THE APOCALYPSE

Well, for the ~~paranoid~~ ~~insane~~ ~~fatuous~~ ~~unhinged~~ ~~irrational~~ overly prepared ~~individuals~~ ~~persons~~ ~~associates~~ ~~humans~~ ~~beings~~ people in life, it's been coming for a while.

And for the equally, yet slightly disturbed folks, it might be a Zombie Apocalypse. But that is for another posting at another time. In the meanwhile, if you fit into this category, please refer to the ~~documentary~~ movie Zombieland for further preparation of zombie survival.

So, for those who might feel the Apocalypse coming around...here is some friendly hound advice on how to survive until you are either ready to join the rest of society in death or if you suffer some freaky anti-social anxiety that you like to deny and/or openly practice transference of irrationality upon others including family, friends, and fellow hounds.

Proper Apocalyptic Preparation

Pre-apocalyptic preparation is key to having a successful and ~~fun~~ ~~tolerable~~ comfortable time until your eminent death. One may decide to curl up into a ball and just sleep until the time comes to kiss your hound arse good bye while others may want to fight the urge to give into what will no doubt be your demise.

If you so chose the later, I highly suggest the following items to help you semi-comfortably pass the hours or possibly days away until you go into an eternal slumber.

If drinking water is important to you, you may want to consider the WATERBOB.

Yes, you can turn your bathtub into freaky water well or instant waterbed with just the touch of a faucet and at least a few hours warning of ~~unknown~~ ~~unpredicted~~ water contamination. Paranoid about a possible terrorist attack? This is the perfect gift to give your lesser related family members. After all, nothing says Happy Holidays like your very own 100 gallon bathtub liner equipped with a pumper that can be used to pump water or whatever else you see fit to pump throughout the house during the apocalypse.

Since I prefer the continuous flow from the toilet, I see this handy little gift being next year's Dirty Santa present.

Plus, I refuse to give up the one area of the house that I can claim as mine to stand in and howl with little protest.

Everyone knows the Deep South is known for it's wicked cold weather and many, many blizzards. Before you freeze to death during the apocalypse, you may want to consider wrapping yourself in trash bags since they hold in your body heat.

Or, you can consider spending an extra $3.00 and purchase the incredible, bright orange HEATSHEET.

This dandy little blankie is very comfortable, especially when I try to move around. That crinkly noise is most soothing in realizing my demise is only around the corner.

The good news is, I have plenty of these as they pass them out at most marathons and runs. The bad news, most ~~crazies~~ psychics predict the apocalypse 2011 will come in the Summertime.

Beady Eyes refuses to cuddle in this and only wants to use her Snuggie...

Which makes more sense and appears a lot more comfortable than a ~~cheap ass gift~~ sheet of plastic.

Food supply should be your number one priority during the apocalypse. Since it will not matter if you eat high fat, high calorie, and carbo loaded vittles, (you are going to die anyway, why not enjoy your last hours), I strongly suggest you eat whatever your heart desires.

My personal picks include...

However, you may also want to stock up on ...

and more...

The fact of the matter is, *IF* the apocalypse occurs this year, do you really want to survive it? Survivalism is over-rated if you are one of the few survivors. What amazes me is the number of ~~paranoid schizophrenic~~s people who have nothing else better to do than think about disasters and pending doom and gloom, all because their personal mental illnesses cause them to get very lonely while in solitary confinement.

Do yourself a favor...get a life before the apocalypse takes it from you.

The best days are those in which we can live a little, howl a lot, and take in as many belly rubs as possible.
Or as the writer C.S. Lewis would say...

"If we are going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things -- praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts -- not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They might break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds."

Find a Home and a Hound for the Howlidays!

2010-12-03T22:38:00.000-08:00

A dog is NOT the perfect gift under the tree. Us hounds require love, attention, care, and concern. The best possible furever home for us also needs to be one where we get medical care, preventive health care, and spade and/or neutering.

But for all this, we give something that most Christmas presents cannot give and that is devotion and unconditional love.

This year I have teamed up with someone else who helps others find homes...RealtySouth Shelby Listings.

Once you pick out the perfect home for you with the help from RealtySouth Shelby Listings, check out the following links for a perfect "fur"ever home for one of my buddies at:

Shelby Humane Society

Greater Birmingham Humane Society

Save Our Strays

If you love me, you will love some fellow "Basket" hounds at:

Basset Hound Rescue of Alabama

Always a good story at their own blog at the

Basset Hound Rescue of Alabama Blog

Various County and City Listings

Merry Christmas from The Basket Hound

and my Gorgeous Best Hound Furever

Bama Dawg

Check us out at the Helena Christmas Parade on Dec. 3rd, 1:30pm

Towel Pile Tuesday!!

2010-10-05T19:53:00.000-07:00

The Laundry Bog Blog

(Where Laundry Makes Babies)

I was going to blog about this incredible package of Cesar Canine Cuisine but I gotted in trouble. It arrived and my hooman placed it in her office area. She then proceeded to go outside with the little hoomans. I came across it while I was exploring and my smeller picked up on the luscious scent of liver, beef, and bacon. I attacked the box and when my hooman walked in, I had managed to scored an enitre bag of treats and was working on a Cesar Canine Dish. So, not only did hooman say I was in trouble but she said it was meant for Beady Eyes to try, not me.

Which brings me to the next topic...

The Laundry Bog aka The Laundry Monster aka My playground and instant napping station. This week, hooman has been super busy with all these little projects. Which means she has taken very little time with me. On top of that, Beady Eyes is hanging out with her like the troll who lives under the bridge. I walk into the room and Beady Eyes appears out of nowhere, glaring at me. Since she filed that harassment report on me, she thinks she owns me! Not so true...see above paragraph for more info.

So, the laundry monster has grown. And when the laundry monster grows, I become fascinated with the various colors, textures, and yes, even smells (don't judge me). Which leads to the next issue. Do any of you other hounds enjoy the playground known as the laundry monster?

I happen to know for a fact that my buddy, Trixie, enjoys the occasional nabbing of briefs here and there. How do I know? Because my hooman found a pair of her little hooman's Nascar undies in my yard one time.

My hooman was a bit taken back by the find.

But I'm personally glad to see her behind in the laundry because it gives me a place to nap. I'm not complaining, have you been outside lately? It's cold for Dixieland.

Respect the Elderly, especially Beady Eyes

2010-09-29T23:10:00.000-07:00

This is Beady Eyes. You may know her as my assistant, but to me, she is so much more.

I'm being very nice because Beady Eyes filed a harassment report on me because of "questionable" behavior-on my part.

"Apparently" my comments regarding her age, smell, gas issues, and nagging were seen as age discrimination. Would I really discriminate against Beady Eyes? ~~Yes~~.. I mean NO, of course not. She cannot help she is older than the creation of false teeth (which she could use).

So I have had to go to sensitivity classes to learn how to appreciate my aged canine assistant. I have learned so much. I have become a kinder, less opinionated Basset Hound.

Unfortunately, not everyone can appreciate the aging of my fellow kin and kindred. However, and this is a big however...

There is one lady who I have come to know that not only loves my Grandmas and Grandpas, she has created a safe, loving haven for them. The House of Puddles aka HOP. The House of Puddles was established as a retirement home for aged Basset Hounds to be loved, cared, and spoiled until they cross the Rainbow Bridge.

My new appreciation of working with and loving the Canine Elderly has really been a blessing to this stubborn hound. I have more patience with Beady Eyes.

We can learn a lot from our aged. Their eyes have seen much more than us "youngins" and even if they cannot hear, see, or walk, and even if they have accidents (and blame them on this young gal), I have learned that my life would be incomplete without Beady Eyes and Princess Geritol, the other older lab mix I share with my hooman.

Check out House of Puddles. You will fall in love with these gorgeous Grandmaws and Grandpaws.

www.houseofpuddles.org

Good Help is Hard to Find

2010-09-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

I hired a secretary. My hooman was spending way too much time with other things and was neglecting my blog, so I took resumes, did interviews, and hired a secretary.

My choices were: 1) A cat named Timmy, 2) A possum, and 3) Beady Eyes, the poodle mutt I share with my hooman.

After ~~much serious~~ little consideration, I hired Beady Eyes.

Little did I realize Beady Eyes was going to be difficult to train and have a bad attitude.

In orientation, I explained that every five minutes or so, she needed to remind me that I was a wonderful, beautiful creation. My self esteem therapist says it is necessary for me. Beady Eyes knew this when I offered her the job. Instead what I got was... NAG NAG NAG and BACK TALK from her.

"Please shut up, Beady Eyes"

I would say something and she would start with her yak yak yak. It was ridiculous.

Now I know Beady Eyes has been around for 84 years or 12 years, whatever, so I know she is old. But seriously, the dog smelled like a mixture of old creamed peas, rotten teeth, and arthritis cream. What I did not expect was her "gas" issue. She had death farts, FREQUENTLY!

I almost vomited!

"I'm gonna puke"

Then, I had to howl things at least 3 times before she could hear me! Beady Eyes needs a hearing aid, GasX, and a breath mint!

"Dear Lord, deliver me from this bad hire."

So here I am, trying to talk to her about simple hygiene and the importance of admiring me on a daily basis. I don't think she was listening.

So I got louder....

And now she is accusing me of harassing her. She had filed a complaint with the hooman.

You know, if the hooman would have just dedicated more time to me and my blog, none of this would have happened. Beady Eyes is threatening to sue. Do you realize this could cost me a least 5 dog treats. I might even have to pawn my jeweled collar to pay legal expenses.

It's all the hooman's fault.

Stoooopid Hooman!

Revenge is mine!

And please get Beady Eyes a hearing aid.

Geeeezzzz....

Choosing the Perfect Assistant

2010-09-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

Well, the responses to my "Help Wanted" ad have provided the following applicants:

1) A Cat named Timmy: Qualifications include the art of deception which could come in handy with the hooman, flexibility with paws and keyboards, and the ability to hiss back at the possum. Unfortunately, the cat feels that the weekly salary of 3 dog treats is substandard to what it is accustom to receiving in terms of salary.

2) A Possum: I don't know nor care what it's name is. But according to the EEAC (Equal Employment Animal Control) I HAVE to consider all candidates who have applied. Therefore, I must place my prejudice aside and consider the possum. Qualifications: NONE Well, that is not completely true. It does have the ability to work a computer with those little, sneaky hands.

3) Beady Eyes: Yes, Beady Eyes, the poodle terrier I share my hooman with has applied to be my assistant. According to the intelligence chart, poodles rank #2. While I will not argue that, I will say that this is a dog who turns circles at least 20 times before she can poo. Surely, THAT is not a sign of intelligence. Pros for hiring Beady Eyes include acceptable compensation, will not have to pay relocation costs, and she already knows my management style.

So, I interviewed today and have decided to hire Beady Eyes based on her qualifications and fulfillment of my needs as an assistant.

I will keep you updated on her progress.

Thank you to all 3 of you who applied and sent resumes.

Sincerely,
Abbie Basket Hound
CEO of Absolutely Nothing

Help Wanted: Secretary

2010-09-09T19:02:00.000-07:00

Well, my life is busy. There is no possible way I can blog, nap, steal food, nap, eat, sleep, blog, eat, cruise counter, howl needlessly, eat, nap, and hate the possum outside.

My hooman is suppose to take up the slack in the area of my blogging, but lately she is working on a new project that has kept her very busy. Very, very busy.

Wanted: Secretary

Must be on call 24/7. Payment includes three treats a week. Must be intelligent. Must be proficient in word processing or at least know how to operate a keyboard. Must adore me or at least be willing to worship and/or honor me at least daily.

All POSSUM applications will be rejected.

Abbie
The Basket Hound
Lover of Bacon
Blogger of Life

When I die, please bury me in Seattle

2010-09-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

Hooman really loves me. Sometimes when she is cuddling with me, she will say, "Abbie, when I die, I want to be buried with you." Sounds sweet, right? Howl no! That is called "Mutually Assured Destruction." It doesn't take one and half hooman brains to figure out that my hooman is crazy as howl.

And quite honestly, I don't want to spend eternity in a box with HER anyway. She has bad breath in the morning. Yea, I said it.

Anyway, when I die, I want to be buried in or near 3207 California Ave SW, Seattle, Washington.

It is my heaven.

Some view Heaven as a place with mansions and gold streets.

Some view Heaven as the ultimate eternal nap complete with soft music and fluffy pillows.

My heaven will have one thing and one thing only, BACON!!!!

And someone wiser and more profound in theory has made my dream of BACON HEAVEN a reality.

See hoomans, when dogs die, all dogs go to Heaven. Don't believe me, have you not watched the documentary, ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN? Geez... anyway,

while you hoomans debate on what heaven is, my prophecy of eternal bliss has been fulfilled...

in the form of

THE SWINERY

Temple of Porcine Love

It is where I can lay down the burdens of everyday life and just feel the love and comfort of a covenant so powerful and fulfilled, that those who dare speak ill of it will be struck by lightening!!!

Please do not dare commit my earthly remains to the Coon Dog Cemetary. I know my pal, Judy, speaks volumes of it...

but hooman please, if there is one bit of happiness that you would want for me, your beloved Basket Hound, it shall be always and forever... within sniffing distance of The Swinery.

There, I said it. Now go in Peace to love and serve the Lord. Amen!

And, please lay me down for eternity near the heavenly place of meat candy.

I've already picked out a box and I'm ready to go...

Where have I been?

2010-08-31T03:35:00.000-07:00

Well, it's true. I have been MIA in the blogging scene for a while.

Let me explain. It's all the hooman's fault.

She has been blah blah blah blah blah. Oh, who cares. She has just been lacking in the secretarial department for me. I would fire her but since we live together and all, I have tried to be patient with her.

See, my world has been turned upside down lately people.

For starters, hooman and the old man RIPPED UP MY CARPET!! Do you people realize that was the ultimate back scratcher for me?

They placed hardwood floors which means I have been taking unforeseen, uninvited, and uncomfortable ice skating lessons across the house. If I slide one more time into the foot of the bed, serious bassety repercussions will take place.

I am still not fully recovered from the CHAIR INCIDENT of 2009.

Then Summer Heat Wave '10 hit. I don't care if you are hound or hooman, this heat wave has been killer. And the hooman expects me to go out and take care of business, regardless of the temperature. I mean, flies start following my butt the moment I walk out. That was probably too much information. It's hot, hounds.

And don't even think for one second I can get away with a little accident. NOOOOOO, Mr. Hardwood is not like Mr. Carpet. Mr. Hardwood tells on me immediately and hooman freaks out. Which brings me to my newest enemy, Mr. Swiffer Mop. Just the thought of squatting gives me more guilt than a Catholic before confession.

But the ultimate insult of the year was when the hooman did not take me to BARKWORLD in Atlanta. Do you now how excited I was to go? Do you know disappointed I am to not have gone?

Life for me has been so dadgum boring lately I almost made friends with the possum. Almost!

But I am back. Let's see if my hooman can get it together. In the meanwhile, did I mention I won 3rd place in the Annual Basset Hound Bash Wiener Toss?

GUESS WHERE I AM GOING!!!!

2010-06-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

Public Service Announcement: READ TO YOUR HUMANS!!!

2010-04-30T03:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Hounds,

I cannot ~~tell you~~ stress to you enough of the importance of reading to your humans. There are SO MANY benefits that come from a simple daily read. Once you establish a pattern, you will find your human's imagination soar and their intelligence rise significantly.

You need not start off reading War and Peace to them, a simple poem, illustrated book, or small news article will suffice until your human gains the understanding of larger, more complex issues. In fact, before you know it, your human may gain the intelligence enough to read on their own or even write a blog.

So please, READ TO YOUR HUMAN and often!

A human mind is a terrible thing to waste!

Love, Abbie

Midnight Sonnet for my Human.

2010-04-12T22:19:00.000-07:00

(Howled to the tune of Memory, from the musical CATS)

Daylight

I make dew on the weed flowers

And arose and I'm swaying

Noses smelling the day

Like the scents

I yearn to turn my face to the dawn

I am waiting for the day . . .

Midnight

There's my sound from the pavement

Has my human lost her memory?

She is grinding her teeth

In the lamplight

The humans stomps at her feet

And the hound begins to moan

Memory

All alone in the moonlight

I can howl really loudly

I was beautiful then

Human remembers the time of silence

Let the memory live again

Every critter

Seems to howl a loud warning

And the poodle mutters

And the doghouse is cluttered

And soon it will be morning

Daylight

I must wait for the sunrise

I must think of my loud howls

And I musn't give in

When the dawn comes

Tonight will be a memory too

And a new day will begin

Burnt out earplugs of human

The cold sound of my snoring

The moon is gone, I'm lazy

Another day is dawning

Touch me

It's so easy to leave me

All alone cause I'm snoring

In my days in the sun

If you touch me

You'll understand what crankiness is

Look

A new day has begun

Guest Blogger: My Human! Dogs: Blessed are the Peacemakers

2010-03-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

Abbie has generously allowed me to guest blog tonight. Thanks Abbie! Now please get off my lap so I can type!

Dogs: Blessed are the Peacemakers

(Inspired by Dogingham and her Black Bean Burger at Rojo's on Highland)

In 1989, I moved to Highland Avenue in Birmingham. I was 19 years old and ready to take on the world. I moved into a small apartment complex located off Hanover Circle. I had no fear of living by myself although my mother certainly did her best to instill some fear in me with random statistics of the dangers of living in an Urban area. She failed miserably. Those were incredible years of my life.

I worked fulltime for a marketing firm while trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. For a non-degreed, non-trained 19 year old, my job paid the rent, utilities (most months) and gave me enough money to purchase ramen noodles and the occasional beer (or Boones Farm), sold to me by a very unattentive clerk at the Western Supermarket. I guess I looked two years older or she was simply tired to ask for ID.

The apartment complex was filled with every kind of person I had never been exposed too. My neighbor, Mr. Mendelstien, was an elderly, Jewish widower. As I was moving my coffee table (made from a old barrel) and my sofa, compliments of the thrift store, into my apartment, he asked me if I was going to play that rock music. I smiled. He almost passed out when he saw the contents of my aquarium contained a small garden snake.

My neighbor upstairs was a medical student who worked part time at a research lab. His job was to take fecal samples from different cats at the lab and test them for contents. He was a brillant guy who had a crappy job. (pun intended) I wonder where he is today and can only hope and imagine that his job is much more fulfilling.

All and all, the residents in that small complex were black and white, straight and gay, American nationalists or visiting foreigners. We came from all backgrounds, places, and experiences. We were different in religious or philosophical thought, cultural influences, etc. Like snowflakes, no two humans are alike, but the one thing that united us together: OUR DOGS!

We ALL had a dog (or two, or three).

When you have a dog and you live in a small Urban area, you are forced to walk beyond the front door, into a world of grassy areas, sidewalks, and cultural differences.

I had a small poodle that I had inherited from my beloved Grandfather. Bebe was a round, yappy ball of white fluff. She was spoiled. Her world had been completely turned upside down when my Grandfather died. My world had been completely turned upside down when I decided to leave suburban East side to live on my own. We had a lot in common. We knew this was our chance to start a new life.

My favorite time of the year was (and still is) April through September. The days were longer and the afternoon walks were perfect ways to end the day with Bebe. It was through these walks that I met my neighbors. When I would walk Bebe along Highland Avenue, life just seemed right. I would smile at other dog owners and they would smile at me. Truly peace does begin with a smile.

I learned that Bebe was not picky about who she would approach, be it a Lab, Greyhound, Corgi, or Heinz 57. She seemed to like them all. I found that her genuine friendly attitude was something I could simply not avoid. She opened up my heart and mind, one simple yap or butt smelling at a time. No, I didn't practice her greeting method, a wave with my hand usually produced the same results. Rhodes Park was a haven for friendship building. Once our routine was established, Bebe realized that she could freely run with the big dogs, while I laughed with my new friends.

We can learn a lot from dogs. I learned that if I stepped out beyond my front door, my dog would lead my heart and help me build relationships that formed a lasting foundation of how I see people.

There is no difference in ourselves or each other that should prevent us from accepting each other and being friends.

Dogs: Blessed are the Peacemakers

Now, if Abbie will allow me to guest blog again, I have some awesome stories to share in the future.

The world needs happy.

2010-03-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

The world needs happy. My human told me that tonight. We were sitting around, she adoring me, as usual, when the news came on. She watched it, I watched her and she looked at me and said, "The world needs happy." I guess my human was hit with a moment of clarity.

I wagged my tail. She looked at me and said, "That a girl, be happy." I translated that to be, "Abbie, I will get you a treat." She didn't.

But I still wagged my tail. It is instinctive. I don't know why I wag my tail. I just do.

Sometimes I do it when I am laying in the sun, doing nothing.
Sometimes I do it when I see a stranger.
Sometimes I do it just because...

I have no reason.

People, you really need to be more like me and my hounds. Just wag your tail sometimes.

It doesn't hurt.

Try it.
Oh, you know you want too.
Because...
The World Needs Happy.

I demand an endorsement fee...

2010-02-22T12:59:00.000-08:00

Once again my human is pimpin' me out to the public. Don't say I blame her, heck I know cute when I see it and bacon...errrr I mean I am cute.

Check out her latest pimpin' project.

http://birminghammomonline.net/2010/02/happy-feet-carpet-a-fight-to-the-finish/

I think you hounds need to hear my side of the story.

First of all, this is MY HOUSE... MY HOUSE. I say who can come in and who can clean up after ME!!! This huge Ninja thingie came in MY HOUSE and literally SUCKED!!!! I mean really SUCKED up my pet hair, my food spills, and my...ummmmm...proclivities.

It was terrible. I mean, I'm a hound dog and I could not even track MY OWN scent! It smelled like fruit in here. It was too clean. I thought I was at some other hounds house... or even a *gasp* cat's house. It was not like MY house!!! When I was "allowed" to come back in the house, the human actually placed towels in front of the back door. WHAT? HUMAN, you NEVER had a problem with me coming in from the backyard with muddy paws before. Ridiculous.

Oh, and here is the biggie... I GET the blame for the geratric animals. Ummm, excuse me...but Princess Geritol, who SHEDS worse than I do has the geratric bladder-NOT ME. I don't care if you never see it, I'm just sayin' that she is the OLD one, not me.

Oh, and then there is Phyllis Diller, I mean, Phoebe the Beady Eyed One! She is not so innocent. I guarantee that she sheds and pees when you are not looking. I can't prove it but I will ONE DAY, then you will see that I am the innocent one here, I am not the criminal, I'M THE VICTIM!

So, human, bring in your Happy Feet Magician and his fancy Ninja 7 Million, I don't care. I have plans of mine own. I need some happy paws.

In the meanwhile, take these goofy shoes off of Beady Eyes, she looks stupid.

This ain't right!!

2010-02-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

Every once and a while, something strange happens among our canine friends. It is a serious problem and we hounds MUST GET THE WORD out.

I'm not talking about the peeing in the floor issue.
I'm not talking about the snatch, grab and run food issue.
I'm not even talking about the gaseous incidents the humans blame on us.

I'm talking about the Canine/Feline issue.

Hounds beware, the feline MUST not be trusted. Be it Chihuahua, Lab, Poodle or Heinz 57, YOU ARE NOT SAFE!!! The feline will seduce you with ways in which you never realized what happened to you until it is too late.

Remember Obie? The Tim Tebow of the dog world. Good looking, debonair, and classy...well, it happened to him

So remember, Hounds don't let Hounds become friends with felines.
It's not normal!

Oh, and never, never, never trust a

NO potty mouth, please...

2010-02-01T13:49:00.000-08:00

My human had an epiphany over a month ago. She decided that if she or others HAD to use vulgarity or profanity to express themselves, she or they had little to say in terms of intelligent comment. I don't blame her, I mean to refer to me as a (b) itch would be lingustically correct, however to refer to herself or her friends in that manner would be just... not nice, self depreciating, and something that would make her 95 year old grandmother shame her. So she made a resolution to not go "there" in terms of profanity. I appreciate that. Kinda.

But she has really gotten carried away with the whole anti-potty mouth campaign around the house. Little did I know that this included the potty. I mean really, the real, get me some water now white water goddess that sits and waits for me to indulge myself is now, off limits. I honestly have no problem if human slips up and says an explicit when she nails her fingers on the wall or stumps her toe in the door facing, but to completely ban potty mouth has totally stepped over in my territory. This means I no longer have access to the porcelain bowl of aqua. Nope. I literally have to hunt her down if my stainless steel water bowl appears to be even in the least bit set on the low flow option. I have little patience for this. It's not bad enough that geriatric Princess Geritol consumed the entire bowl in one huge, messy slurp but then Beady Eyes subjects her furry little beast like head into the side with nary a gulp, and the water is gone.

So, I am in quite the dismay over the banned potty mouth and lack of sufficient hydration necessary to keep me up and howling at 3:00am for my romp around the backyard.

Really, human...I'm watching you and one slip up of the potty mouth ban and it's game over for you and your oral moral cause.

LOVE LOVE LOVE it's in the air...

2010-01-29T23:10:00.000-08:00

Now that love needs to be in my tummy! Seriously humans, if you love your Hounds, you will share the love but please, do not feed us chocolate. Chocolate makes our tummies feel really bad and can be very deadly to some of us. But click this link...

I CAN EAT THIS AND NOT GET SICK!!!

Seriously, human told me and I believe her.

After all, if she feeds me something really bad, guess who cleans it up....

nope, that will not even touch it!

So, call upon the Basset Fairy...

She has been known to grant special wishes to you!

I'm proud of my new exercise program.

2010-01-10T21:09:00.000-08:00

Check out these cool moves in my new fitness program.

I can dream about it all the time.

Story about the Stupid Human

2010-01-07T22:44:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, my stupid human does what she does best, something really stupid. Tonight was a peak performance of ignorance and entertainment for me and Beady Eyes. It started something like this...

It supposedly "snowed" today which means the clouds gathered, the people rushed to purchase all the available milk and bread, the schools closed, and the human placed sweaters on me, Beady Eyes, and Princess Geritol. I, of course, had the cute one with stripes and an adjustable scarf to cover my extra fluffy neck. Beady Eyes is wearing her "Army" looking jacket, which is ironic because if I were at war, she would be the last thing I would feel threatened by (except around my food dish), and Princess Geritol was rocking her Old Navy Fleece lined vest.

Human was packing up stuff to go party up the street while she watched something that takes attention away from me. I walked by the back door for a simple cruise-by, no biggie, I didn't need to go, I just wanted to check things out. Human walks behind me.

Human goes weird on me and opens the door, walks out to the deck, leans down to pick up what she thinks is Beady Eyes when all of a sudden, I hear stupid human freaking out, holding her chest, backing up to the house. She looked crazed! It was then I realized what she thought was Beady Eyes was really my resident BFF...

The freaky BFF did what it does best, played DEAD. Then once it got the chance, it scurried away from the stupid human who was obviously having a cardiac "issue".

Yep, the stupid human thought poor Beady Eyes was on the back deck by herself without her jacket and she tried to pick her up. If that was not quality entertainment, then I'm not a Basket Hound. Beady Eyes was resting comfortably on the sofa watching this whole ordeal. I gotta hand it to the Beady Eyed One, for just a moment, I felt a real bonding as we both laughed at the stupid human.

If I could get pay per view stupid human network, I would so pawn my multi-colored collar for it.

Bath Day

2010-01-03T09:17:00.000-08:00

I don't mind bath day so much. It is kinda fun to see the human and little humans making over me, brushing me, and giving me a warm water massage with the sprayer thingie. BUT...bath day when it is cold outside STINKS! And here is why...

When I get a bath, I do the usually shake and tumble post bath routine. I run around the house at full speed, jumping on beds, sofa, and anything that can take my weight plus velocity. The little humans ALWAYS chase me. It is fun, it is a game. The chase always ends up with the human opening the backdoor and the little humans chasing me outside to run around freely among MY backyard.

Here is the problem...IT IS COLD!!! Do they really think I am willing to do the shake, rattle and roll then head outdoors for my rampant run. I don't think so. So, I am protesting the bath today. I had rather stink than be exposed to what could be at 30 seconds of the back yard chase. No way, not gonna do it.

'Nuff said.

No words, just sassy!

2010-01-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

Bacon: It's why I am not Jewish

2009-12-30T17:23:00.000-08:00

I love Bacon. I love bacon flavored bacon. I love bacon bits, bacon fried bacon, and my favorite, smuggled bacon aka bacon I steal from the humans. If I could marry bacon, I would. Then I would become widowed every few days. But my human has decided to replace that bacony baconed bacon with TURKEY bacon! WTH? That's not even real bacon, it's like replacing grease with water or lard with bean juice. It is a sacrilege.

I hold bacon sacred. It is religious experience for me really. When stupid human pops open a nice fresh package of PORK bacon, I come under the trance of it.It summons me like a spirit calling my name. It is like my very own spiritual calling. It is the reason I have never been interested in the Jewish faith. I have no problem with Moses, in fact, I find Judaism a beautiful, loving religion, but I find bacon fulfills my spiritual needs more-after all, I am a Basset hound.

For the record, I could never be Hindu either-I love beef to much. In fact, I find it hard to be a Catholic as well because I am not sure I can go without the beef, chicken or pork during Lent on Fridays, but I digress.

So I am at a dilemmia in my life...what should I do without bacon? I could take up chasing tennis balls or being kind to kitties. Oh who am I kidding...

I'm going to pray about this. Then meditate about it. Then, perhaps, then we can witness a miracle-hallejulah!

Abbie-1 Beady Eyes-2 Booooooo!

2009-12-25T20:40:00.000-08:00

The Beady Eyed one scored big this Christmas. Maybe because she is so old the humans feel sorry for her. Or maybe the cheap humans are not willing to pay the extra surcharge for plus size Snuggies for Bassets. Who cares? I got a nice new Old Navy fleece blanket.

Check out Beady eyes with her shoes...

Then Beady eyes got a Snuggie too!

I scored a sweet treat and new sweater but refused to put it on.

Humans says I am getting a spa treatment this week that will include my nails clipped and ears cleaned. I should smell nice and bassetly sweet just in time for the New Year. Overall, I had a nice Christmas. I claimed the sofa in the name of myself while the humans acted like goof-balls and opened presents.

Hope you all had a nice Christmas.

Merry Christmas from the Human and Me!

2009-12-24T09:22:00.000-08:00

Now take the dorky hat off me and get me some food! Abbie

Abbie Hound Poetry: A Christmas Gift

2009-12-22T08:59:00.000-08:00

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all was awesome

Not a creature was stirring, not even my possum.

The stockings were hung by my human with care,

In hopes that Bark and Beg treats would be there;

The little humans were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of chewed Webkinzs danced in their heads;

And me in my 'kerchief, and laying in a lap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When in the kitchen arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the lap to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open the refrig, I thought I smelled hash.

The Christmas ham glistened, like meat covered snow
If I gave it taste, would anyone know?

When, what to my droopy eyes should appear,
But an angry old human, one I don't fear.

With a howl and bark, I grabbed it quick,
And ate it so fast, I thought I'd be sick.

More rapid than beagles the others they came,
like the smell of ham had called them by name;

"Now, Beady Eyes, now Obie, and Trixie dog too

The refrig door is open and it's calling for you

To the top of the freezer! go ahead and climb the wall!

Now gash away! hash away! dash away all!"

As dry heaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

They gagged and hagged and thought they would die,

So out to the yard-top the high grass they flew,
With the half chewed up ham and some bacon bits too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard like a poof
The gagging had stopped like it all was a spoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Out the back door the stupid human came with a bound.

She was dressed with no makeup, not a shoe on her foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ham glaze and soot;

A bundle of nerves as she headed out back,
And she looked all crazy while chasing our pack.

Her eyes -- how they blackened and she was not merry!
Her cheeks were all swollen, her upper lip-hairy.

Her great big mouth shooting insults like a bow,
She was mad, she was hot, like we really should know;

That the ham wasn't ours, that we gashed with our teeth,
And the sickness insued in a circle like a wreath;

She said we deserved it if it hurt our belly,

And dogs shouldn't eat things like Christmas ham and jelly

But I'm chubby and plump and I act like an elf,

And wanted that Christmas ham, in spite of myself;

A blink of her eye and a shake of her head,

My ham grab had given what my stomach should dread;

She spoke not a word, but thought hard of her work,
I had eaten in seconds with merely a jerk,

And pointing her finger right at my long nose,

She fussed at me like water from a hose;

Then she sprang to her feet and gave a whistle,

And grabbed her washclothes, mop and Bissell.

And I heard her exclaim as she walked out of sight,
Dogs shoulda eat dog treats, not my Christmas ham tonight."

What an ugly cat!

2009-12-16T17:25:00.000-08:00

Guess what I found picking at my dog food bin?

This is the UGLIEST CAT I have ever seen!

For goodness sake, will someone come claim this ugly little feline

and get it out of my yard.

Bark & Beg-The Drama Begins

2009-12-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

This is ridiculous. Remember my treat tasting with Bark & Beg Treats? Yea, I did my thing. I loved the treats. I even had my human save me one so I could savor the taste again.

Okay, remember Beady Eyes? She is the family dog. She has been around longer than I, longer than the little humans, and even longer that the Oldman. She helped the "stupid human" get through college and get pass time while being a lonely old maid. Yep, she has been around forever. She looks like a cross between Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers sans the Botox. I mean really, what the hell is wrong with this poodle terrier aka POO/TER hair? It looks like crap but I digress.

Notice the small human hands in the background of this picture. And this is why I am so upset. The little human GAVE the Beady Eyed one MY TREAT!! IT WAS MY TREAT! It did NOT belong to the Beady Eyed One! The Beady Eyed One does not have her initials on the special 10% offer for those who order Bark & Beg Treats- it is MY initials. Which, by the way is, 10ABH when you place your order online.

If that is not bad enough, the Beady Eyed One, who eats with her mouth full, which is gross, AND makes a mess when she eats, which is ALSO gross, made a big deal about it.

She even had the nerve to taunt me and tell me that she was enjoying MY Bark & Beg Treat. How dare her?

I am disqusted again.

What is wrong with these humans? Little human knew better. Guess that Webkinz is history when you wake up, little Human. Sorry! But seriously, it was MY treat. And I DON'T share!

Santa get me some Bark and Beg Gourmet Dog Treats

2009-12-14T21:23:00.000-08:00

I ended up on the nice list. I just know I did. For starters, its been three whole days since I refrained from grabbing the taco tray. I have left the pesky elves alone. I have not performed a no-no on the carpet in weeks. And, I have left the Christmas tree alone completely.

I just know I am on Santa's nice list..

So Santa, if you are reading this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get me some Bark and Beg treats. You know I love them and here's why...

I love them because they are handmade for ME (and other dogs, but mostly me).

I love them because they use all natural ingredients. NO artificial colors. chemicals, salts, perservatives or stinky by -products, which means no nasty chicken guts or lips and ... well, you know-it's all healthy and natural.

I love them because they use just a touch of Safflower oil. And why would I love that...well my Doctor told my human that if she wanted me to stop shedding all over her clothes, furniture, and in the car (cause you know I love a good road trip) then start placing a small bit of safflower oil over my dog food. Human loves these treats because it is perfect to give me that little extra I need to stop shedding without the hassle of stopping my feeding time to garnish it with oil. That's right- I get the best of both worlds with these treats. And I get a beautiful smooth coat. So there, Obie!

Don't believe me...just check out my pictures. So good, I didn't try to take off my humans fingers because I knew I might not get my treat!

Through this exclusive offer from Bark & Beg Gourmet Dog Treats through my site, you (human) can receive a 10% discount on your online order.

Just mention code 10ABH and tell Abbie sent ya!

Seriously, human feeders-do the right thing, treat your hounds to Bark & Beg treats. It's where Santa Paws shops, dontchaknow!

Nuff said!

2009-12-12T18:33:00.000-08:00

Aaaarrrrooooooolllllllll Tide!

Congrats Mark Ingram!

You rock my world.

I hate reindeers

2009-12-11T08:33:00.000-08:00

Oh great! Here is another picture of me looking like a freakin' Christmas idiot! Thanks a lot, STUPID HUMAN. Since you are surprising me and my fans with so many "fun" pictures, why don't ya say I surprise you with a little "somethun, somethun" later on today.

But stock in Bissell, Stupid Human, buy stock in Bissell.

I'm a Ho Ho Ho

2009-12-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

Ho wlllllll Ho wlllllll Ho wllll

Merry Stinking Christmas

Do you honestly think this will get me in the Christmas Spirit?

Give me a break!

Obie-The Wonder Dog aka I'm jealous of such coolness

2009-12-08T09:07:00.000-08:00

Ok humans and hounds, do you have a relative that you get compared to all the time? Oh, I know you do. We all do. Example: Why can't you not shed like Betsy the poodle? Why can't you poop in a box like Little Leo kitty? Why can't you sing like Polly the Parrot?

Well, my achilles heel is Obie! My country cousin in the glorious land known as Tennessee.

For starters, this dog has it made. He lives on a huge farm with rolling hills. His humans adore him, I believe even more so than my humans adore me. He gets to rule an entire pack of cattle and when no one is looking, he can mark his territory in a split second, while gracefully displaying both charm and elegance. Seriously, he is like the cool Marlboro man without the nicotine stained teeth.

My human loves this dog. When she returns from Tennessee she says, "Hey Abbie, why can't you chase a ball like Obie?" (Because I am busy planning my world domination). "Hey Abbie, why can't you have smooth fur like Obie?" (Because "Samson" has a better brush and I hate when you brush me). Or, "Hey Abbie, why can't you sit when I tell you too? (well, stupid human, I am short and stout, so when I am sitting, you cannot tell and when I am standing, you cannot tell).

But the one thing I am jealous about is this... OBIE POSES FOR PICTURES!!

Seriously, I don't know what modeling school he went to or what runway he works when he is not chasing cows but this dog poses. I mean, he sees a camera, he strikes a pose and smiles.

OBIE-WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PURINA!!! Your humans have you trained! Oh, you think you are the one in control but I can assure you, those humans are selling you out, buddy. Do they hand feed you vittles? Oh, I bet if they do, you probably are so nice you don't even take off a finger or two. And here is the rumor I hear *gasp* you have cats in residence and you don't even try to eat them? Good grief!

This is Obie. Check out that confidence! Check out that super smooth coat! Check out that Tim Tebowish greatness! Oh gag!

But I must admit, he is a darn good looking canine.

Talking it out with my human!

2009-12-04T19:27:00.000-08:00

I gots a problem! My stupid human talks all the time. I cannot get a howl in edgewise. I try, I really do. I complain and she makes me go outside. I growl and she makes me go to my bed. My little humans dress me like a baby and Beady Eyes and Princess Geritol have not a clue that I am really a human. But the old man, yes the old, hairy man of the house understands me. And here is the reason why...he is like me. We look kinda alike, we smell kinda alike, we both have excessive hair although, he is hairer than I, and we both like beer, bacon, and BBQ. And the oldman nary speaks. It is like we are BFFs.

Here is the problem...the old man goes back to work this week from vacation. That means I will be stuck in the house with the stupid human, the little humans, and Beady Eyes and Princess Geritol. And to top it off, it is suppose to snow in the morning which means, I will be stuck in the house listenting to the constant chatter of female humans. But my oldman understands this and treats the way I should be treated, he just leaves me alone and lets me talk.

This one's for you, Domino Hound!

2009-12-02T14:51:00.000-08:00

Feeling frisky?
Aaaarrroooo!

Again, we must not tell the human.

This one's for you Mr. Pinkerton!

2009-12-02T14:43:00.000-08:00

Woot!

Throw me some beads!

Shhhhhh! Don't tell human I have posted this or she will ground me from the computer and place a hound guard on it. She hates when I post pictures like this but seriously, when you got, flawnt it! Right?

Dedicated to the Crimson Tide...

2009-11-28T15:05:00.000-08:00

Ok human! You love the Tide, I get that. Your dad played for the Tide, I get that. I had to withhold my bark during the game as you had your anxiety attack, I get that...but really human, really, do you think it is necessary to sink me to this level?

By the way, the little human looks adorable!

I'm back!

2009-11-27T20:57:00.000-08:00

Well, it is about 38degrees outside and it is cold. I may be mad. I may think the humans are real jerks. But I realize that no matter how insulting I think the humans are to my intelligence, they still offer a warm, cozy bed.

That's it-I'm gone!

2009-11-27T12:48:00.000-08:00

I'm outta here folks. First you throw out my recliner!!! Seriously a little vomit with corn and chicken and you act like big pansies about it. I would have helped you out but NOOOOO, so off with it's head, or should I say, headrest!

Second, you stuck me in the garage with Beady Eyes and Princess Geritol! The little one is annoying and I swear I hear the bones cracking in the old one. Ridiculous!

Third, you inform me that unless I sit quietly so you can watch the Iron Bowl-not the food bowl-Iron Bowl, then I either go outside or lay down and sleep. Are you kidding? Ummm, did you not see all those squirrels gathering nuts in the backyard? They need me to cheer them on or those little tree monkeys will starve to death this winter. Duh!

So forget it, I'm outta here. I'm gone! Adios! Hosta La Vista, baby! See ya later, alligator... I'm bein' like a tree and leafin! Don't try to stop me.

Seriously, I'm gone. The door ain't even hittin' me in the backside.

Oh my belly...

2009-11-25T17:25:00.000-08:00

And it's not even Thanksgiving yet.

First I spotted the tray...

Then I attempted the grab

And this is the final result...

And it's not even Thanksgiving yet. Oh my belly! Aaaaaaarrrrrooooooo!

And they wonder why I am neurotic...

2009-11-24T19:33:00.000-08:00

Seriously humans, if you had to wake up to this face every morning, wouldn't you create your own blog just to escape the insanity of the humans.

God help me!

In Memoriam: My Recliner

2009-11-23T20:21:00.000-08:00

You were my best friend. The little human threw up on you. It was a death puke. You died a valiant death. You stood strong among the spew and smell. You were my life. You were my recliner.

We had fun times together you and I. Remember when I hunkered down in you whenever the human wanted to take me running. You were my strength. You were the wind beneath my wings.

I am in mourning for you, my recliner. I miss you. I see you sitting my the curb awaiting your final destination. I am sad. I am crying. Aaaaaaarrroooooooooo, my heart hurts. My recliner, my life. I shall miss you.

Silly Bandz Basset

2009-11-23T00:46:00.000-08:00

Have you seen those stupid plastic silly bandz? My little humans act like they are crack when they see them-they get all shaky and google eyed-it's crazy. And the things are obnoxious too. I mean really, who the hell wants to wear rubber hair accessories, in stupid shapes no doubt? Who in the world would want to sink to a stupid human level just to fit in? Who really needs to wear a piece of colored, cheap elastic to be accepted into this culture?

Oh nevermind!

Truly a BASKET HOUND

2009-11-21T19:11:00.000-08:00

You call me a Basket Hound
I'll be a Basket Hound

Just Sayin'

Oh Howl No!

2009-11-20T23:04:00.000-08:00

The freaky elf is fishing in MY fishtank. Human got the tank JUST FOR ME to admire my fish and that elf thinks it's gonna have some sushi? Oh HOWL no!

Just for the record, I have tolerated you and your buddy for a few days now but let me say this... Beady Eyes and I have made a plan to eliminate you from your jolly old St. Nick of a good time in our house. You cannot just come in here and take attention from us. I will get you little elf and your friend, too! And for the record, FAIRIES be warned. I'm not that impressed with you either.

I am seriously disgusted by this action of the elf. This means WAR!!!

No stinkin' way...

2009-11-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

There is a stinkin' elf in the house. Seriously. It appeared a few weeks ago, moved stuff around, then left. Well it is back and brought a friend with it. Apparently, Pagget the Elf pulled a drunk, left the house, then picked up a buddy along the way.

Humans, do you realize this thing takes attention away from me?

And, I'm not even allowed to "love" on it so that means he still has his ears, eyes, and arms.

This could get ugly.

I eat my competition for breakfast, kinda like Wheaties!

Age before beauty...OH PLEASE

2009-11-17T21:19:00.000-08:00

I gotted outted by the Old Fart. Seriously, I really don't know how to say it so I will just say it. The old fart aka Old Lab aka Bella the Butt (as I call her) has sought the sympathy of the humans and won. She is laying in the middle of the bed with the comforts of the humans and I, well, I am on the recliner and I am mad.

Big deal, the weather is cold, her arthritis is acting up. I get it. I mean, I don't get arthritic pain but I get that she is old as Moses and has old age issues but really, human, must you kick me from the bed so Princess Bengay can take over and be comfortable.

It's not that I wish ill will on the dog, I mean, I am a dog too (sometimes, but mostly homosapicanine) but when it comes to affection, love, and being the diva, well quite frankly, I am IT! I am the ONE. I own the house. And yet, here I am, laying on the recliner. At least the little human takes pity upon me. Woe is me!

So, I think I will go lay on the human's head so they remember that I am the HEAD of the household. And, I will look at the Old Lab knowing that she is merely taking up the foot of the bed!!!!

Aaaaaaarrrroooooooooo!

Stay warm, fellow hounds! I know I will!

In the Birmingham News

2009-11-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

Yep, stupid human takes a picture of me while I am suffering post tramautic Halloween costume disorder aka the Chicken Suit issue and submits it to the Birmingham News (scroll down for picture submitted to the Birmingham News). The Birmingham News, a fine publication, thank you very much, printed it.

Now what is Trixie gonna think? Shhhhhhh, just don't tell her. She is still giving me a hard time about being a chicken on Halloween.

Oh, but the good news is this...next to my pic is a pic of Arthur. Arthur is one of my basset brothers in arms and he needs a forever home. If you think I am fun, check out the hounds at http://www.bhra.org/ the Basset Hound Rescue of Alabama.

I gotted in trouble, rut roh!

2009-11-14T08:35:00.000-08:00

Well, apparently stupid human is not impressed with my chewing abilities. First of all, let me say this, wood taste good. That is my new motto: Wood, it's what's for snack time! It wasn't bad enough that human refused to give me table scraps...something about obesity epidemic in hounds or was that house? Anyway, human has decided to detox me off table scraps- freely give or rightfully taken. Which means, I am suffering! Anyway, human also decided that I need to go on more walks with her.

But I digress...

Human, err..stupid human, left out the TV tray being used to hold the popcorn bowl during family movie night. Little human spilled some popcorn out on to the table and the scent, yes that DAMN SCENT, always gets me in trouble. I noticed it after the popcorn bowl had been removed from the scene of the crime aka the living room. So when human went to bed, I knocked over the tv tray only to find the scent, no real popcorn. But the scent, yes that DAMN SCENT, was enough to make this crime solving, Sherlock Holmes loving basset hound go to town. Before you know it, I had ated the area where the popcorn and butter flavor had landed. Not my fault!

So, anyway, I gotted in trouble. It is the human's fault because of her and her crazy detox/no table scraps for me decision.

Hey, guess what HUMAN, the best is yet to come...you still have a kitchen table, don't ya? For now, anyway!

Ode to Trixie

2009-11-04T01:49:00.000-08:00

This is a poem for my best pal, Trixie

Trixie is my best pal, she loves to play with me
We like to bark, howl, and sniff and chase cats up a tree
Her mom a Shitzu, her dad a feist a perfect blend of "it"
but her breed will always be a little fiesty-shit.

She comes to my house, watches tv and hangs out in my chair
She has this really funky fur, it almost looks like hair.
My human likes to give her treats she always hides them well,
I know exactly where they are but I will never tell.

When no one is looking, I escape and we like to sneak away,
and go into the neighbors yard and poop and then we play.
Our neighbor doesn't know it cause she never is at home
And when we get out and play, we always tend to roam.

Yes, Trixie is my bestest bud who comes right to my door,
She is funny, she is grand, a dog with so much more.
The cats fear us, the squirrels all know that we rule this hood
Our humans think that we are best, just like we think they should.

There are no words...

2009-11-01T10:32:00.000-08:00

to describe my thoughts regarding my stupid human. Nuff said!

Rut Ruh! I ated crayons!

2009-10-31T10:07:00.000-07:00

Yep, I ated crayons this time. I thought it was some of the candy my little humans gathered last night. It did taste a little bland but they were so pretty, sitting in the floor by the desk. So I ated some.

My human is none the happy about it. I don't understand why. I mean, really, who else has a colorful backyard?

Stupid human just doesn't appreciate my artistic abilities.

I ated 3 loaves of pumpkin bread

2009-10-30T03:48:00.000-07:00

And here's how it went down...

Ok, so you know I live with two dogs, the beady eyed one and the old lab. The old lab escapes the house on a daily basis because she has no common sense. The beady eyed one stays under the bed most of the time. I could have something to do with this, but not really sure.

My human made 6 loaves of pumpkin bread. The house smelled like a wonderful dream. I drooled during cook time, nap time, and even when I went outside, I could still smell that delicious aroma. Human gave two of the loaves to her neighbors, Karla and Mickey. She and the little humans ATE one loaf, right in front of me, forgetting to offer up their sacrifice to me. This was stupid on their part.

Three loaves remained. Three gorgeous, juicy loaves of aroma filled pumpkin bread, just waiting for consumption. Three gorgeous, juicy loaves of aroma filled pumpkin bread, sitting all alone, wrapped in aluminium foil on the kitchen table. The only thing that separated me from those heavenly delights was one obnoxious door gate. I hate that damn door gate.

So, this is how it went down. Dumb lab charged the door and went outside. Human was unfazed. Little humans had friends over I followed them around. Meanwhile, I had talked beady eyes into also charging the gate, unbeknowest to stupid human. I continue to play along with little humans just waiting for my opportunity.

Beady eyes gets sight of front door being opened, she changed plans on me, much to my surprise to be advantageous for me.

Human gets call from neighbor down the street. Neighbor is in possession of one beady eyed poodle mutt. Human leaves to pick up the beady eyed one and the old lab, both of whom are walking vicariously around the hood. But wait, where is the Basket Hound? Could it be I escaped with the beady eyed one?

Human takes no chances and when she arrives home, she immediately checks the backyard where I was last seen. No sign of me! She panics! She starts the mad hunt to find moi! She is upset. She is confused. She forgets something...I am very smart.

While human is stalking down beady eyes and old fart, I have made my way back into the house. That gate was no barrier to my cravings.

When human arrived home,I was there, sitting under the dining room table, enjoying the delicious temptation of that blessed pumpkin bread. I was a savage beast unleashing my rage against that aluminium foil and that squashy filled delight.

And I ated all her pumpkin bread!

My Favorite Human

2009-10-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite human, Sydney. I love her best. She is the reason I own these humans now. You also must be the smartest of the bunch. I love you, my human, Sydney.
This picture was taken on our way back from Gatlinburg. As you can see, we had a great time and were exhausted.

Well Helllllooooooo Dolly!

2009-10-27T23:10:00.000-07:00

Did I ever tell you my Dollywood story?

Forget Miley Cyrus for a moment, she does nothing for me, thus far. Her shows, music, and movies only take away attention from me, therefore, I have no regard for her.

But let me tell ya about her Godmother, Dolly Parton!

I loves me some Dolly, errr, actually , some Doggywood at Dollywood.

It all started back in May when my humans were planning their annual trip to the mountains. Poodlemutt aka Beady eyes always gets to go to Grandmaw's. My pet labrador, Bella, heads to camp at Dr. Zs place. And I, well, I am the only reason these humans exist so therefore, I go with them.

The trip up there was not bad. While I feel like I should have been able to go into the various eating establishments, I was content to grab snacks and relieve myself at the various rest areas. It worked to my best interest because I got lots of attention and love at those places, except by the old people who think I am going to eat their precious poodle, shitzus, or pomerainians...but I digress.

Once we arrived at our cabin, I immediately took my place upon MY bed in the Master Suite, because, I, of course, am the Master. The humans scurried to find themselves a place to sleep as well. (Ok, I admit it, I like to cuddle with the Mama human so she and the old human got to sleep with me.)

But the highlight of the trip was my adventure to Doggywood! I was kept in a nice, air conditioned log cabin room, complete with music playing. The ladies were just awesome. They loved on me, walked me, and let me know that I was the cutest (and only) Basset Hound they had seen...that day!

In the end, it was I, thanking Ms. Dolly Parton, for a great time.

Leave the leash, take the cannoli...

2009-10-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

Once again, it is raining. I have no problem with rain, other than the obvious go outside and get wet when I need to "go" but seriously, no problems with rain. I do have a problem with the stupid human wanting to take me running in the rain. First of all, rain runs mean bath when I get home. Apparently, stupid human has a problem with my underside dragging the wet grass in the yard. The "supposed" problem brings grass into the house. I have NO problem with this, but until I can evolve some opposable thumbs, and subsequently take over the world, I am at the mercy of stupid human and her nutcase obsession to maintain a cluttered house with clean carpets. Furthermore, when I am running with my human, I am not sleeping! Anyone knows that rain equals sleep in Basset language. Actually, no food or treats, no counter cruising, and not getting into the trash all equal sleep in my world, but that is for another post.

So, human wants me to do the Basset 2K this morning. I, of course, refuse! And what I mean by refuse is I park my Basset backside down and pulled a good ole fashion 1960s, hippie sit in. Dynamite could not have blown my arse up off my recliner.

She leaves!
When she returns 3weeks later, or 30 minutes (ya know us dogs don't have the time thing down), she is disappointed that I have managed to get into her unfilled cannoli shells. Ummmm, stupid human, really you brought it upon yourself!

So word of advice to those reading. NEVER, and I mean NEVER try to force the superior thinking canine into running in the rain. Oh, and never leave the cannoli on the table.

I remain,

Rut Roh!

2009-10-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

I done did it, now! I am in big trouble. And here's how it went down...
2:30 am Woke human, er... I mean stupid human up to take me out. Poodle follows along.
2:45 am Came back in.
3:34 am Woke stupid human back up.
3:35am until 3:48am Walked around outside. Stared at moon. Looked for cats, possums, etc.
3:48am Barked until human woke back up on the sofa to let me in.
4:03am Woke stupid human again to let me back out.
4:05am Noticed stupid human was staring or should I say glaring at me so I pretended to "be busy".
4:06am Stupid human let me inside and proceeded to tell me "Good Girl".
4:07am Stupid human gets me a treat. Poodle feels she is also entitled to treat. I believe poodle is NOT entitled to treat and attempted a ghetto jump on her to obtain her treat.
4:08am Stupid Human becomes VERY angry at my aggression.
4:09am Stupid poodle receives two treats while I am banished out of the bedroom.
4:25am Wake Stupid Human up again. I am in need of expressing my anger. After all, who is she to say I cannot have ALL the treats.
4:29am Stupid human tells me if I do not behave, I have to go in garage for the rest of the morning.
4:45am Try to wake stupid human up again.
4:46am Try to wake stupid human up again.
4:47-5:02am Attempt to wake Stupid Human up every minute.
5:15ish am- Leave Stupid Human a calling card right outside her bedroom door.
5:16am Giggle my Basset ass off. How dare her not treat me like a princess!
5:30am Stupid Human wakes up to the offensive smell.
5:35am I hide.
5:45am Stupid Human is pissed! She says some not so nice things, puts her shoes on, and leaves to go running.
6:30am Other Stupid Human wakes up!
6:35am First Stupid Human arrives home to see other Stupid Human cleaning up my statement.
6:45am First Stupid Human saturates carpet with OdoBan and Disinfectant Solution.
7:00am I am banished to garage.

Gotta go, when Stupid Human sees me blogging, she will not be happy.

More later...

I LOVE ME

2009-10-24T01:12:00.001-07:00

I Love me so much, that I LOVE presents....lots and lots of presents that look like me!!! Check out the online fundraising auction to help my many comrades at the Basset Hound Rescue of New York!
http://www.cmarket.com/auction/AuctionHome.action?vhost=nybasset#

Oh good grief

2009-10-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe this. The poodle is having nightmares. Seriously-nightmares!!! What in the Hades is that poodle maring about anyway? Did the Grim reaper poodle show up in her dreams? Is her luscious poodle hair tangled? Did she dream that I ate her?

Seriously stupid poodle mutt...I know you have been here 9 years longer than I. I know you are the "firstborn" as stupid human calls you. I know you have claimed the leg area of the bed and I respect that but do you really need to interrupt my sleep by getting the jimmy legs and moaning? Where are you running in your dreams?

Now I have to watch as mom comforts you and tells you that it is ok. I have to watch her cuddle you and love you. That is precious time taken away from ME! I know your tactic, Poodle, I am well aware of your plan.

I have my droopy eyes on you! Even when I am asleep, I am watching! You will not oust me!!!

Check out the Poodle Mutt...looks all innocent, right? WRONG!

Pic of the Day by my Stupid Human

2009-10-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

It's not easy being loved.

Wordless Wednesday: My Humans are so cruel!

2009-10-13T22:12:00.001-07:00

For more Wordless Wednesday posts, head on over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Rappy Birfday to me

2009-10-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

Rappy Birfday to me, Rappy Birfday to me, Rappy Birfday to the best hound in the worldddddddddddddd... Rappy Birfday to me.

My humans are giving me a party later. I need to invite Trixie. My mommy human is making me special peanut butter treats and a special hound dog cake. My human is making me pork schinzels with real piggie not that fake meatless crap she usually uses. So I shall stalk her endlessly until she makes dinner tonight.

Oh, and this is exciting, my human is crocheting me a nice green doggie scarf for the coming winter months. I didn't want to hurt her feelings and tell her that I have enough neck fluff to keep me warm, but it will look good in all the Christmas pictures and the Christmas cards going out this year.

My human also informed me that she is purchasing an undergarment to wear when I go outside after rain. Apparently the human thinks that my belly drags the ground and brings in too much dirty. That human is a control freak. Damn woman, THAT is why you have a vaccum cleaner.

Oh, and get this the human is looking for me some boots to wear. Ummmm, human, I am a canine also known as a dog. You are a human also known as an idiot. God made me beautiful in everyway and therefore I do not have to cover up my body. Apparently God does not feel the same way about you humans.

Not my problem. Get over yourself.

What the ...

2009-09-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

Are you serious? My stupid human wants to dress me up like a chicken for Halloween. She wants to be a Farmgirl. Of all the awesome costumes at Target, PetSmart, and Halloween Express and she decides to pick the chicken outfit.

WELL JUST LOAD THE GUN AND COCK IT NOW!!!! Pun intended

A freaking chicken, huh?

I could be Superdog, Wonder Dog, Yoda, Darth Doggie, Spider, Witch, Ghost, or hell, I would even settle for a Scarecrow to keep with her theme but a freaking chicken. No wonder I need therapy. She actually has a costume with chicken wings, chicken feet, and a chicken neck. Damn, now I have made myself hungry.

I swear I want to fry myself, add a little hot sauce and make that chicken costume my snack.

Seriously stupid redneck farmgirl Human, do you really need a freaking dog dressed like a chicken to validate your Halloween needs? Is it really necessary to degrade me to the point of Trixie laughing at me all the way down the street? Do you just hate me?

I swear, revenge is mine on this one. You want a farm motif, farmgirl? Well, let's start by giving ya some manure!!!! Go check the hall!

You are welcome!!!

: rolls eyes, walks away :

A typical basket hound day...

2009-09-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

Today my human decided it was time to decorate for Halloween. It is her favorite holiday. Of course, I helped in my many ways. I walked her out to the storage house for the decorations and then proceeded to stand RIGHT UP UNDER HER as she pushed and pulled storage boxes around the small area. I also provided quality entertainment during her entire time in the backyard. I sang/howled to the birds, kitties, passing cars, garbage men, poodle colony behind our house, and squirrels. Ah yes, the squirrels.

Once we started going through the boxes and boxes of scarecrows, pumpkins and scary stuff, I helped pull it out of the boxes then run around the backyard. Some of those things were even scary for me, so naturally, I showed them just WHO THE BOSS is around here and barked those decorations right back into the box.

I know the human appreciated it so much, she just closed the boxes back so we could do this all over again tomorrow.

I am so helpful.

I'm DRUNKED

2009-09-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

Please excuse the writing but I am completely drunk (ed). My human made hamburgers tonight. I was so overcome with the smell and thought of grease, beef, and cheese that I fell into a trance, thus making me completely inebriated.

In an attempt to succumb to my desire, I made arrangements with the poodle mutt to bark consistently, thus creating a sound diversion as I jumped up on the littlest human to grab her burger. It failed miserably but I did manage to knock off a cheese fry.

After being banished from the kitchen for the remainder of the dinner, I decided to embrace my inner meat fiend and just inhale. And I did. And I did. And, I did some more.

And right now I am waiting to exhale.

Are you serious?????

2009-09-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

News Flash: Mama Human made me a ballet tutu. She actually sat down for four hours and handcrafted a ballet tutu for me. When she was trying it on me for measurement, I was fairly sure it was for the 5 year old human, seeing as we both have the same girth. But nooooooo, it is for me. She made it in Tinkerbelle green so I could be a fairy for Howlaween. Do I look like I would want to be a freaking fairy? Do I look like I enjoy ballet? Howllllllllllllllll no!

What is her deal? It's bad enough that I have to entertain these humans on a daily basis but I seriously doubt I need costumes and dress ups to do so.

That's okay. I know of a cats that would love to attack this frilly crap!! I just need to find that catnip spray.

I declare WAR

2009-09-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

I hate the Steam Cleaner! It's not bad enough that the humans make me go outside in the rain, sleet, cold or ice, or God forbid, the HEAT. But seriously, why bring in the Steam Cleaner. It is important that I on occasion mark my territory. Is is my comfort zone. It is my way of claiming what is rightfully mine-this house. I made it perfectly clear when I arrived that this was MINE. After all, that's what we Basset Hounds do, we claim it, we own it, and it's ours.

So here I am, completely dismayed by the loud roaring sound of the beast aka as the steam cleaner. To make matters worse, Mama Human loads it up with Clorox and Odoban! Right, like I really need Odoban. It makes no sense to me. I smell good. I smell like Basset Hound. It is a heavenly scent.

I also have the embarrassment of explaining it to my BFF, Trixie. Trixie comes to my house by scent. She loves my house. She loves to come in and roll around with me in the floor. She makes her way down to my house by way of the smell. Poor Trixie, she will be lost.

For now, I have to embrace my inner aroma and try to ignore the overwhelming smell of community pool and eucalyptus.

Now, if you will excuse me, I shall pee next to the human's bed. I figured I would give her a nice greeting for the morning time. Just a little "Hey, I don't appreciate your cleaning technique and here's my opinion about it!"

So in your face! ha! Aaaaarrrrooooooooooooo!

Human Walking

2009-09-25T21:28:00.000-07:00

I took my human for a walk today. She really drags me down. Stupid human!

Howling Good Time

2009-09-24T22:40:00.000-07:00

Last night I got bored. It was 3:00am and everyone was asleep. I tried the usual: jumping on the human's heads, knocking the trash can over, standing in the bathtub howling, and dragging my softie bone around-squeeker going full blown. But no, they would not budge. I think the female took her Melatonin, the old man human sleeps through earthquakes, and the little humans were out. I even considered taking a BIG shit in the hallway just for the smell effect, but last time I did that, Mama Human almost had a come apart and steam cleaned the hallway with enough Clorox and Cleaner to make us ALL vacate the house for three hours.

So, I just jumped on the bed and tried snoring as loud as I could. Me and the Old Man had a snore off. We sounded like a Sleep Apnea clinic with bunch of chronic pulmonary diseased old farts being tested at once. Mama Human was not amused. But because I am the cutest of the two, she kicked the old man outta bed which led to my being able to go outside because once he was up, he had nothing else better to do. Then after my usual 15 minute Sonnet to the Moon, I came in, bypassed the Old Man on the sofa, and went straight to the Master bed where I slept comfortably on MY side of the bed, with MY pillow, next to MY Mama Human.

Yes, indeed, I had a howling good time.
Damn, I am smart.

A day in the life of a Basket Hound

2009-08-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

My life is so exciting, I just gotta write about it.

My name is Abbie. I am a Basset Hound.

It's not easy being a Basset Hound. I get sympathy all the time. Why? Well, I have these adorable, droopy eyes. People say, "Oh, she looks so sad!" or "Look at that depressed hound dog." Well, let me tell ya, I got it made. I am not sad or depressed. I am bitchy but hey, I am a dog as well as a female so that is not a insult, only a factual, linguistically correct sentiment.

I belong to these humans who think the entire house revolves around me. And well, they are correct. It does! I wake them up in the morning for my morning activities including chasing any stray cats from MY backyard. Clearing the table for MY breakfast and then claiming MY chair in order to get the best seat to watch the morning news.

I require a minimum of 20 hours of sleep daily, however, because of the demands from my humans, I can survive on 16 hours with 4 hours of pampered affection.

I love to sing especially in the middle of the night. I connect with my inner wolf and howl at the moon, the stars, the cats, the fence, the trees, and anything else I can to gain the attention of my humans. 3:00am is my favorite time of the night.

I live with two dogs. One is a black lab. She is older than dirt and actually tries to power play me when it comes to food. Age never overrules youth and vitality, but she does gain the sympathy of the humans. I also live with a poodle-terrier mix. I call her the POO-ter. She doesn't much like that nickname from me. She is older than the lab so I guess she was around during creation to give God someone to keep him company. She usually leaves me alone, and I her. She actually has soft poodle hair so sometimes, when no one is looking, I cuddle with her.

Then there are my humans. I live with four humans. I own four humans. The man is my buddy. He and I like to drink beer on occasion, although I find beer gives me gas. Oh, how I love to clear the room after a good brew.

The woman thinks I am a baby. She bathes me once a week to keep my coat fresh and clean. She drives me crazy and insist I sleep with her at night. She loves to cuddle me. I do it because I know she will forgive any indiscretions I decide to perform around the house.

The two little humans are fun to own. Once they realized their place and role in my life, they came to the realization that they exist for me, not I for them. It is a good arrangement.

So, join me as I blog about my life.